Bankor

She hesitated at first, then seemed to relax into the hug, hanging onto him as though her were her only anchor. He could feel points of wetness where her face pressed into his shoulder. "I'm sorry..." She couldn't help it. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for being weak. No matter what I do, I just end up a slave again... It's a destiny I can't escape..."

Almost desperately, Niall shook his head. "Luth, no..." Hugging her tighter, he bent his neck, kissing the top of her head. "Don't apologize. I won't have it." He smiled gently.

He continued to hold her, letting her cry against his chest. "You're not a slave, Luth. Not ever again." His jaw clenched. "Damnit, those people don't own you, not in any sense of the word. You owe them nothing; your debt is paid." He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling beneath her. "I think you should tell them so. And if I can support you in any way, I will."

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

Peace was a lie. Even in this supposed peace, there was war. This torment inside her was no peace. Even Jedi struggled to achieve inner peace, and it was an ongoing process. There was no peace. And was that a bad thing? Passion was the source of action. Wasn't everything she'd done for the sake of passion, emotion? Her love for her friends, for the people she loved...

Through passion, I gain strength.

Her love for them drove her onward. Her passion. It drove her to want to protect them from Baras' influence. It made her stronger, willing to do more for their sake.

Through strength, I gain power.

Every operation she carried out to protect them made her stronger. It made her a better, smarter spy and a sharper aim. It drove her to practice more with the Force to make this thing that she was initially uncomfortable with useful for them. It hardened her determination.

Through power, I gain victory.

Draagh was right - it wasn't her fear for her friends that caused her problems. It was the morality still holding her back. The self-doubt that kept her from putting her all into what she did, that kept her from having confidence. Doubt made you sloppy, robbed you of victory. The best thing she could do for them would be to be confident in her decisions, and to believe in herself and her passion for them and why she did what she did. That was the path to saving them.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

Eventually, it would let her free herself and them from his influence.

The Force shall free me.

And she would finally no longer be a slave.

"I know..." she replied quietly. "I'm going to retire from the SIS..." She took a breath and sat back a little bit, wiping her eyes. There was a small smile on her face, a little more confident. "Niall... no matter what, please believe in me."

There was no way Niall could know what the lovely young woman he was holding was going through. What she was thinking. It didn't especially matter, he felt, although perhaps if he could have followed her thoughts he might have balked. But he couldn't and so he continued to hold her, feeling her slowly relax, gather her composure, her strength.

She pulled away from his chest. Niall smiled, meeting her gaze steadily as she spoke. "Luth..." He began. "When we first met, I thought you were working for the other side. But somehow, I trusted you then. When we next met, you revealed that you had been a spy." He flashed her a quick grin. "And that you'd shot me. And I trusted you then, too."

Taking a deep breath, he went on. "I've always believed in you. I'm not going to stop. Believe me." He smiled. He had no idea...

"Thanks, Niall," she said with a smile, taking his hands and squeezing them before leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek. "It helps me believe in myself to know someone out there believes in me, too."

Niall smiled as Luth kissed his cheek. "I'm glad, Luth. Quite glad indeed."

Gently, he disengaged, his hands flexing awkwardly as he brought them back to his sides. "So..." He gave her a quirky smile. "What's next for you, then? Does this mean I get another shot at selling you on Alderaan?"

She shook her head with a small smile. "After I retire, I have some loose ends to tie up before I think about going to Alderaan on a long term basis. But I do want to go there eventually, don't mistake me."

"Okay." Niall said. He studied her again for a few moments, a smile on his lips.

Finally, he sighed, pleasantly. "I'm going to hold you to that, you know? You're welcome at my family's estate anytime." The smile grew, just a little. "Perhaps another week at the lake house sometime?" He pushed his mind away from the swimsuit she'd worn last time.

She nodded. "I'd like that."

Niall smiled. "Good. I'm glad. That was a rather pleasant time for me, you know." His lips quirked. "I think I've gotten better at swimming, too. I bet I can do a better job at keeping up with you next time."

She laughed. "Maybe. I was holding back so you could keep up, you know."

"Oh? Is that so?" Niall's eyebrows went up. "That sounds to me rather like a challenge. We'll have to see how it goes next time, won't we?" He was smiling, his grey eyes seeming to glint playfully at her.

She grinned. "Yup! I look forward to it. I hope we can."

Niall couldn't help but grin in return. "Well, then. It's a plan. Hmmm..." He pursed his lips a moment. "I suppose we don't know how long this campaign will be. But after it's done, and when it's next summer at the Organa estates? That's when the water's best, of course. And the sun can dry you off afterwards. But you know that, of course." His lips quirked. "That was when you last visited, after all."

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah... We'll see how things are then. I don't know for sure what will happen between now and then, but I hope it's possible."

"True." Niall said sturdily. "But even when it's uncertain, I feel it's best to plan for the future." For just a moment, a shadow seemed to pass over him, sadness briefly flickering in his grey eyes.

In a moment, it was gone. "Luth..." He said, looking at her curiously. "Would you tell me... how does the Force feel to you? What is it like?"

"Um..." She took a deep breath and let it out. The Force wasn't an especially comfortable subject for her and it showed on her face. "It's hard to explain. It's like... um... It's sort of like... feeling with the rest of the world, instead of just your body. I know that didn't make much sense, but I'm not exactly trained at all."

"Mmmm." Niall sat back, leaning against the wall. "That's as good an explanation as any."

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. I've just always wondered. Ever since I was a child." He glanced over at Luth. "There's a lot of people in my life who can feel it... I've just always wondered." He repeated.

She shook her head. "No, it's all right. It's just... the Force... rather, being Force sensitive hasn't exactly been a welcome change in my life. It just makes everything more complicated."

"Oh?" Niall half-turned, his body moving to face her. "Did you want to tell me about it?" He smiled. "I'd like to hear it, that is. If it's not too difficult."

She looked over and shrugged. "The Jedi weren't any help with it. Outright rejected. Which is... interesting, given that they accepted Layne Hoshin of all people," she said, shaking her head. "It attracts the wrong kind of attention... I'm not prepared to deal with it."