Bankor

Thumbs hooked under her belt Chase walked through the hall of the barracks section she'd found her way to. Glancing at the doors, making sure she knew where she was before finding the one she was looking for. Pressing her back up against the door she slid down to a seat right in front of it, sprawling her legs out on the floor. Late enough as it was not many people'd be coming through here, she thought.

"Before you even think it, no I'm not falling into that trap. It's just... I need to breathe and I can't really do that anywhere else without someone askin' me something big lately. Not really the kinda girl to go to parties either. Matter o' fact. 'specially not after a hard fight like this one. I get the needin' to blow off steam, obviously, but it isn't really my way of doing it."

"I've got this creepin' feeling, and really not be all that surprised if I was sittin' here talkin' to myself."

“Are you drunk?” came a voice from the inside.

Looking down from her chest to her legs sprawled out on the hallway floor Chase chuckled, "No, believe it or not I'm rather sober right now. Could be part of the problem. Straight to the point though, you... do you mind if I come in?"

After a moment she said, “Sure, sounds like you have a lot on your mind I guess.”

She opened the door and added, “Maybe you should chat with Medical, they got good therapists.”

Pushing herself to her feet as the door was opened, Chase turned about and leaned on the frame, "I'm sure they do, not that kinda stuff on my mind though."

"How're you holdin' up 'round here?" Chase asked, walking into the room and taking a gander about.

The room was neat, her gear was stowed in a case and there was a pile of equipment she was probably reviewing and her desk had a few scattered datapads. Badera said, “Busy, as usual.”

“Have to do a complete an inventory on all our equipment so yeah long days."

"For the whole base," Chase asked with a grin as she stepped over toward the desk, looking it over. "Damn I am glad I signed up as a pilot and not a quartermaster. Comes with it's own stuff sure but this is a fate worse than death."

“It needs doing and the force wouldn’t eat or even have roofs over the head without me, so I don’t mind the extra load,” she said shrugging off the words.

"Can't deny that, so.. thank you Badera Varn. For your sacrifice," Chase said moving off about the room a little more. Stepping around the bed to a spot she hadn't been before. "Are you uh.. all caught up with that? Or did you need me to go?"

“I don’t need you to go, but you seemed to have some heavy thoughts on your mind, what gives?” she responded.

"This.." Chase said, realizing that made no sense she turned her back toward Badera's bed and promptly fell back onto it. Staring up at the ceiling. "This isn't me. Coming here, talking about how I'm not sure I'm in the right place anymore. Things, people, they've gotten me wondering if I need to get outta this little thing I've had going here for so long. Captain's in my sight but do I even want it if I can speak out against a bad call with everything I've got and still have people make the bad choice?"

“That exists no matter where you go. You can only really yammer so loudly if people want to make the dumb move then they will,” she said bitterly.

“I mean I only came to Bankor because… well it’s not important but I am here and I don’t agree with everything but I will be damned if I don’t give it my all.”

"I'm not the kinda woman to give up so easily, but damn it gets tiring to keep being right when everyone else thinks you're wrong," Chase sighed. " Just thinking aloud here but.. I've got a ship, I could be my own boss if I wanted. Really put in some work to help people, my way."

"What's stopping you then?" she retorted.

"Well.. this conflict for one," Chase said, closed her eyes. "Then there's also the feeling that if I leave it all behind that... well, I'm leaving it all behind. Would that be giving up on these people, the ones I'm fighting with right now? Sorta like I'm giving up on the hope that after we finish up here they might see the error of their ways and fix it. Maybe I could fix it. Nah.. that's just," Chase shook her head against the bed. "I'm not sure why it's bothering me so damned much."

"Well maybe we should look at what decisions you don't agree with," she said while taking a drink of water.

Chase barked a laugh, "Where do I even start? How 'bout this recent one, nice and passed now as it is. All campaign I'm hearing about how we can't help people, we can't help the pit fighters, but what can we do? Use our resources to come to this forsaken jungle and fight in some isolationist monks private war. They can try to color it how they like but when we came here, we came here to kill... there wasn't anyone to protect out here. Monks were outta a home, sure, but they were together.. they were alive."

"Now those poor sods forced into the pits are just gonna get picked up by the Hutts again as soon as we've cleared the way enough for them to send in their enforcers. They're all gonna die."

“We can’t go everywhere though, they made a command decision and from what I hear may even get additional fighters for the cause. I am not sure there will ever me a perfect situation where people are not to left to suffer. That’s war though, kid. Not every choice is going to end with roses for everyone,” she replied.

"Everyone says that and I keep wondering if anyone's actually listening," Chase sighed, closed her eyes and just breathed for a moment.

“Just saying you’re not wrong, but they are not wrong either. There are situations where both sides are basically right, even if they oppose each other,” she said.

"That kinda boxes me in there, can't really say that they're wrong without just proving I only see that I'm right," Chase exhaled from her nose. "This's been a tough, hard fight. Back when I was flying against the Empire things were simpler. We fought them and saved as many as we could in the process. Now," Chase pushed herself up to a sitting position on the end of Badera's bed. Looking ahead at her, "Whatever."

“It’s war it ain’t fiction. Both sides are gonna see themselves as the good, and decisions in combat are rarely clean cut. We are gonna do awful things to people that might deserve it but still awful all the same,” she said solemnly.

“Every Imp you shot down or killed had a family, a life, people that cared about them, it might be hard to think that but it’s true.”

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," Chase said, her arm coming up excitedly and pointing at the woman with it. Palm displayed on a diagonal toward the ceiling. "Do people seriously think I don't know that, cause I damn know that! Back with the Empire, sure, maybe I shot down some people that didn't know better and were just trying to do the right thing but that can't be helped! Back then every one of those bastards I shot down were fighting for something that pushed people down, if not outright killed them for just being what they are."

"Here, here we had opportunities to save people and we avoided them. We failed them, and that's rather plain to see."