Bankor

"I won't let you guys down... I won't let myself down. I've come too far to crash down like that. Especially now." He said, seemingly more to himself than Nai.

"Don't forget what you said when things look the worst. It's war... we might not all walk away from this in one piece," she said quietly.

"I won't." Craw paused. "Thanks for speaking to me Nai, it... It helps. But how are you holding up?"

"Me?" she chuckled briefly. "I hold up well... I've been through worse and all. Would've wanted Jicoln here too, but... he's got other stuff to worry about." Like looking after little Torian. Damn, she hoped her 'little brother' wasn't getting into too much trouble.

"Getting the jitters for this war we're flying into, but can't let that make us lose focus."

Craw nodded.
"It's the waiting that gets you. Frays the nerves. When we get boots on the ground it gets... Well not easier, but you know what I mean." He paused.

"The first assault is always the toughest." He said, matter-of-factly.

"You speak like you've been to warzones before," Nai'tiri snorted a small laugh. "You've really been busy these last years..."

Craw shrugged. "I went where the work was. Kept myself and the others busy... That's life the life of a mercenary."

Nai sighed silently at that. "Mandalorians should be more than just mercenaries looking for the next paycheck. All of us. Me as well. No honor or glory in being just a gun for hire."

Craw was silent.

"When there's a true Mand'alor to fight for you know I'll be there, but until then... I do still need to eat."

"When there is a true Mandalore," she gave a cautious nod. Nai wasn't so sure about this Corso Fett trying to claim the title... "we can't turn back on the word and honor of our ancestors. You might be here for the pay, Craw, but Cadera is not. We remember the promises we make, even if Kryze does not."

Craw shrugged. "Tobogas have never been too big on promises in the past. But I made a deal with the republic to fight for them and I will do that until the contract is filled. I never go back on promises. Not anymore."

She nodded, showing she understood his new resolve.

"Will be like old times. Fighting together."

"Just like old times." Craw nodded. He glanced behind him into the room. "I still have a few adjustments I need to make. But thanks for coming by Nai. I'll see you later, before we drop."

She nodded as well. "See you later," Nai pushed away from the wall she had been leaning against, and ducked out of the room.

/exit

"Yeah, later." Craw watched Nai leave and then turned back into the room, closing the door behind him. Immediately he deflated, leaning against the door and burying his face in his hands.

"Come on, man... You're better than this, you're better than this..." He breathed hard, a feeling of guilt and disgust washing over him. Craw stayed like that for a few minutes, gathering strength. After a while he finally managed to drag himself away from the door, almost tripping over the parts of the armour lying on the floor, like a carapace that some ancient predator shed. He fell to his knees next to the bed and stared at the sweat ridden sheets.

"You'rebetterthanthisyou'rebetterthanthisyou're..." He ran the mantra through his head and out his mouth, hoping it'd give him some amount of strength from somewhere in his crusted over soul. He reached inside the sheets with shaking hands and clasped them around a cold glass bottle. Craw pulled it out and stared at the half-full bottle. Craw knew he shouldn't do it, it'd be wrong and make everyone disappointed and angry at him. Craw knew he'd loathe himself more than anything in the galaxy, and yet... There was that ghost of mortality banging at the door in his head. You might never get another chance, it screamed at him.

He stayed like that for a long while. At least an hour, shaking and sweating. Wrestling with himself.

Eventually he swallowed, got up, opened the hidden compartment beneath the bed and put the bottle in it with great care.

/scene